My life was shattered. I was broken and the future seemed murkier than ever. Everything that I had envisaged for the days to come was snatched away from me, as I was pushed into a never ending abyss of gloom and haplessness.
I had lost my father, and I was supposed to join college in a month. I needed my guide the most as this was the period when I was to hatch out of the egg and meet an all new world. But, life took away my guide. I was immature, irresponsible and definitely not dexterous enough to adapt to this change or accept it readily.
I had no idea how the life was going to treat me. I had no idea about how am I supposed to deal with the ongoing situation. I thought I was pushed into a never ending tornado which was still catching pace and was scathing me over and over again.
One after another different shocks and troubles begun to pour in. Be it my financial, mental or emotional peace, they were all hit by the affliction that this tragedy had introduced us to. Even in my farthest thoughts I had never envisioned myself into such a grim and saddening situation.
My beliefs and aspirations at that moment suffered the same fate as of a man writing on the sand of a beach. A huge tide washed it all away. No matter how many times the man would write on the sand, the waves and tides would repeatedly wash it all away. I thought that this was the end.
But then I realized something. There was a time when my father and mother were left all alone. When our family and relatives left us to be derided and loathed upon. When our closest connections turned out to be the farthest ones. Those days were so bleak and murky, that my parents had only two options. Fight or Flight. Back then it was my parents who had turned it all around. And, now this was my turn. They toiled every bit and eventually reached their heyday. Now this was my turn to toil and reach my heyday.
Within five days I determined and decided I will not bow down to my fate. I’ll rewrite it. I made sure that I will never fall short of confidence and power. But there was a problem. Prior to all this, I never had any substantial pool of confidence. I was like a baby who would always depend upon the elders to take care of the ordeals. But, my father came to my rescue on this one.
It came to my thoughts that confidence and willpower were a psychological feats that my father had excelled in. I knew my father well. So, I begun telling myself that my father has not left me. Rather, he resides in me. I kept telling myself oft-repeatedly that my levels of confidence begin just where his levels were. I used this as some form of incantation and it worked wonders for me.
I knew that life has not been fair to me. But, I soon realized that I do not care for the life as my father was still held my back and was guiding me by means of my inner-self and conscience. Whenever I would have doubts or problems, I would straight away put up questions to my father in my mind, about why this happening is or how I should act at this juncture. And, each and every time my father has answered to my problems and issues.
This has turned out to be my biggest source of morale and energy, as whatever I do, I am content that my actions are backed up by my father.
Eventually, almost over a year long period after joining college, I had changed my life upside down. I had generated this belief into myself that there is nothing that I cannot do. I had developed myself into a powerhouse who would never give up on anything and if I ever took to any job, I made sure that I always give in my best. This meant giving back more than what was expected from me. This repeatedly added to my credibility and made me more responsible, competent and credible as a person. I was becoming more dependable day by day.
I could feel the change in me and was loving myself for the same. All this was turning out to be a great improvement for a boy who carried an exactly opposite personality over his shoulders almost a year ago.
Now, I had reached my third semester and I wished to carry on the sheer development and being better regime. But something took over that regime and halted the entire development process. Dark clouds of anger begun to spread over my aspirations. All of a sudden I had been hit by a tide of emotional and mental affliction. Albeit, the traits that I had nurtured myself with over the past year remained at the same level. But, somehow a hidden ire in me begun to erupt out of me at repeated occasions.
I had begun to turn belligerent and vexed at brisk moments. And, the worst part was that these moods erupted with virulent and unprecedented strides. My public and private life were thrashed. But, the most imperative and pious form of my life, my inner-self took the biggest take down from this behemoth evil. I was worse than ever. It was my nadir.
By the end of the third semester of college I was all messed up and loathsome. Thankfully I again realized something. I was once thinking about what remedy I should apply to get back to the path that I had been moving on earlier. I needed to make amends to the way I was leading my life. And, as I mentioned earlier, my father always puts answers to my problems into my head as my thoughts. He once again came to pull me out of the deep lacuna of darkness and ire.
It then suddenly struck my mind that I had been at this juncture earlier as well. It was like a deja vu moment. Post my father’s demise too I was whiplashed by life so hard that I could hardly see any bright future. The shadows seemed so dark that I could see no rising sun in my life. But, somehow I managed to make things better back then. Somehow I had managed to hit back to the road when the shit had hit the roof. Somehow I had found back the path that my father was traversing upon. That was it. I had my answer again. I had the enlightened path in front of me.
I took a week long time off everything, my studies, friends and work. I invested every bit of this span into scrutinizing my weakness. I had to find the corrupt node in me which was time and again hampering the progress of my development cycle. And, I did it. I finally cracked the code for me. I realized that my weakness is my inability to deal with negativity.
Over the past year and a half, I had been immensely positive person. But, at times things go wrong and negativity comes into your game of life to play its cards. And, unfortunately till now I had not taken cognizance of this moot point. But, now I had noticed the corrupt node and this turned out to be my biggest self-discovery hitherto this writing.
I thought that I will combat my negativity with regular doses of positivity to keep my morale boosted and to keep me enlivened. I decided that I was going to keep evolving myself by one metric to another day by day. Thus, bringing in enough supplies of positivity and vivacity into my life. The metrics that I took to focus upon were physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. I had to ensure that I kept performing tasks and activities that would ensure me sailing calmly over the following metrics.
Thus, came my brightest period. My sunshine era, as I like to call it. The day was 3rd of March 2016 and I had finally took to the task of reinventing myself. That was a day and today is another. In this period I reinvented myself to be happier and more content than I ever was. During this period which began on the 3rd of March, I took various challenges to raise my bar for all those aforementioned metrics.
I was physically lanky and unfit. So, I took to 300 push-ups a day for two weeks and then for 20 days challenges for the physical metric.
I was mentally weak as I could hardly resist my desires be it for social media or for cold drinks. So, I took to no cold drink for a month challenge and managed to extend it to two and a half months. Later, I even took no social media for a month challenge which is due to be completed on the upcoming 25th August 2016. This included Facebook, Whatsapp, Hike and Instagram, three of which I was highly addicted to.
For the mental front, I had decide to tame my anger, for which I took to yoga, exercising, breathing exercises, and reading.
Finally, on the emotional front, I decided to find positivity in my life by taking on challenges like writing thank you letters to people who have played a significant role in my life every Sunday. Later, I took to another exercise to write a letter to a person every day, describing what has been my fondest memories with them and what I admire the most in them. The latter exercise is presently active as of this writing.
Trust me on what I am about to say. I have changed my life and my perspective of it twice till date since the outbreak that had hit me in the form of my father’s life. And, each time my perspective and understanding of life has strengthened and reinvigorated me. I have reinvented myself oft-repeatedly by challenging myself to break my negativity with my confidence and positivity armed troopers.
When my father left me, I was nothing more than a noobie. I was a hopeless person, whose parents were often worried about if I would ever be able to excel at anything. They were really worried and anxious about my future. But, today nothing is the same. The tables have been turned as I’m the man in charge of my life now.
I made a resolution to beat the beast that was gulping me down day by day. I put in my efforts and I made it happen. And, if a guy who was nothing two years back could manage to pull it off, then what can’t you achieve?
You can beat out all the oddities and lead your life with glory. Or, you can succumb to life and let it veer you in any direction it wants to. Take charge and responsibility for yourself. As, no one but you can make your life better.
To conclude I would like to write a short but crisp message: The day when you give up the control of your life, you die. Yes, you may breathe for many more years to come and finally be buried at the age of eighty. But, all that long you will not be living, just breathing. That is equivalent to being dead and rotting.
I am sorry for the harsh tone at some instance of this answer. But, the life is not a smoothie to gulp down. It’s a path of thorns. It’s scathing and searing. I have had a bit of those glimpses so could not hold back from expressing the real picture.
I hope this helps. Conquer your world as the throne of your kingdom awaits you.