You are freaking complete. You always were before she came. You still are. And, you will always be.

Before the day I had fallen for someone for the first time, no girl had ever been a part of my life in any possible lovey-dovey way. I had 19 years of life experiences behind me by then. And, those experiences comprised enough of happy and joyous moments. Ergo, I never needed some girl in my life to find that happiness and relevance for my existence.

Those were times, for the most of which I had never even felt the urge to fall in love with someone or anything for almost the entire time. Yet, I never felt incomplete. Joys never stopped flowing into my grab ever. I still used to find reasons to laugh, moments to celebrate and passions and dreams to follow. Life was meaningful, anyway despite there being no girl involved.

Which means, I was always complete and self-sufficient. I didn’t need a girl to make me any of those things. But, then when I had finally fallen for someone, I just forgot to realize that truth. I began to repeat in my head, “This girl is going to complete my life. She is the one I need. She is just the one.” In fact, when she asked me the first time why I loved her, that was my verbatim response!

I only realized much later that it was all pure crap. It meant nothing. It never really made any sense. I was just too immature and unwise to get that.

The common misconception that people form about love is that their partner completes them. And, that’s utter bullshit. Because each one of us are complete in ourselves, and the supposed partners can only complement us. Because I regurgitate, we are complete anyway. Most of us just refuse to accept that reality when falling for someone.

And, that’s the problem. That was the problem that I got myself into. And, why is that a problem? Because, despite this fact of us being always complete in ourselves being such a powerful truth of our lives, most of us acknowledge that only after we have been through that aching ugly phase of a heartbreak or a breakup. Most of us.

All that while when I had never been in love, I grew up fine and lived a great life with certain obvious highs and lows. Which means, the girl that was, she could only complement my interests, traits and agendas but not complete them. But, I simply didn’t see that! My mind was not mature enough to accept that axiomatic and sacrosanct reality.

I broke up with her then eleven months later. Heartbreak followed. It was devastating for me. Life turned more shittier than it had ever been. But eventually, the experience, the solitude, it taught me this very vital lesson. This experience made me mature enough to kind of get that thought to settle in my head and heart. It was a positive sign.

I then fell for someone again months later. But, this new person and I too decided to separate at a later stage exactly on the day we had completed twelve months of being us. But, given I had learnt my lesson after the debacle of my previous relationship, the breakup didn’t turn out to be as devastating an experience for me this time.

In fact, if anything, that lesson of my completeness only settled further deeper into my head and heart. And then, recently, I fell for someone again which didn’t blossom into anything. And this time, I was hardly affected much. Yes, the following two days were a bit tough to get by. No doubt. But, by the night of the second day, I was damn good to roll on with life as usual again.

Why? Because now, my heart and head are well accustomed to the fact that, heartbreak is just a bit of an emotional pain which is not going to change anything in my life at all. Nothing at all! Given I had imbibed that thought into myself, getting over the heartbreak wasn’t a big deal. Trust me or not, it’s the truth I have just lived through.

So, I know what I am typing out here. And, that is all because of the one lesson that my breakups taught me-

I am freaking complete. I have always been. And, presence or absence of any particular girl can never change that about me. Period.

And, that is something a guy or even a girl must learn after being heartbroken. Because that is a reality which apparently most of us morons only realize after having our hearts broken at least once. In fact alas, most of us never actually get that fact at all. Bliss!

Love,

Shilanjan

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