Over a year ago, I had finally convinced myself that the key to building lifelong and unbreakable relationships was to have no expectations from your dear ones at all. Because I am going to be let down by a dear one only if I am going to expect something out of him/her on which they won’t be able to live up to my interest or agenda.
But, if I won’t hold any such expectations at all in the first place, there will be no chance that my dear ones could ever hurt me or let me down. Reading several life changing self-help books like “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz and then relating several wisdom nuggets extracted from them to my own life experiences and real-life relationships helped me strengthen that belief.
But, realizing something is one thing and making that belief an indispensable part of your life is absolutely another kind of a thing. At times, a very tough and complicated maneouver. Thus, it took me over five or maybe six months to ingrain that tenet as a part of the sacred principles that I staunchly abide by in my real life. And, it was only by then that I began to notice the positive change in me.
The change that I was actually not expecting anything from anyone anymore. So, in a way it would be judicious of me to say that I had set them free of my clutches of needs, and we were now only connected by the sanctity, respect and admiration which we harboured for each other. I automatically shattered most of the branches of our togetherness which had thorns which could hurt either of us someday.
It felt great. As a positive consequence, I began to take better control of my life, as I was now lesser dependent on other people. I would prefer doing things on my own, which I would have earlier asked my friends to help me out with. I was growing and learning to be self-reliant. The enlightening experience which I was exposed to as a result transformed my life in all possible ways.
It strengthened my belief that each one of us are a complete unit from within, who are self-sustainable in almost every metric. The community, our dear ones, friends and family, they can only ease our survival, and existence in the world. They can only help us to a certain degree. At the end, only we can make a tangible and lasting positive difference in our lives. Others can only provide a cushion of comfort and make life a little easier.
If you have them by your side, its good. But, even if they are not, it should not really be a big deal, as long as you remember that you still have all you need within you. But, sadly many of us often forget that very important truth quite too often. We tend to give into the faulty belief that you are nothing and are worthless if your clan, your friends or family don’t like you, or don’t mend with you.
But, anyways, I thankfully had grown over that faulty belief and had now begun to witness the sides of me, which I never knew I could handle on my own. The first time I was exposed to this wisdom thought was when I was reading James Altucher’s book “Choose Yourself,” which by the way I also refer to my Bible, the book which changed my life. Moving on..
With this amazing transformation that I was undergoing, I grew emotionally stronger as time passed. I began to prefer going out alone. Not because I didn’t have friends to join me. But because “Me” time mattered to me more than it ever did before. I even began with a ritual to take myself out on dates every fortnight. Yup, that’s what you read. I began taking myself out on dates.
I have even written about that too in the past. But, in case reader is confused and is not aware of what these dates are all about, here is a link to that writation for reference. Apart from the dates, when I would be sad, I would prefer going out on walks, or travel to the city and eat something good and then catch a good movie. I would do everything to deviate and fight my saddening thoughts.
Everything but, I would not ask my anyone to lend me an ear and listen to my tales and life problems. Because firstly, no one can really fix me, help me, improve or change me but me only. Because as long as I was going to depend on others to make me happy, I was never going to solve the problem. I was just postponing dealing with it. What problem? That I was not able to keep myself happy and charged in the trying and tough times.
So, I would abstain from calling friends and family or meeting them when I would be in a bad mood, and rather try several other things to see what else could ameliorate my mood in such times. And, secondly because not looking for other people in sad times would make me stronger and teach me to fight the problems that life was to throw my way in the future. This way I was learning to be my own best friend, my go to buddy for all problems.
So, I just kept following that path, exploring myself, testing my emotional and mental strength day after another. I would observe how I began to get over setbacks, failures and problems in life in no time. Because my heart and head were now trained to deal with them in the most proactive manner. This taught me that we often belittle our own potential to handle challenges, get over our mistakes, and rise back after failures and whatnot.
I realized that we all have it in us, but we just don’t believe that we do. I say so because we all have an unlimited pool of confidence, strength and joy sequestered deep within us. The only problem is that it is all buried under several layers of insecurities, anxieties, lies and fears that the people around us have been feeding into us ever since our birth. And, those negative factors make us feel hapless, alone and forlorn when life throws problems at us.
That was my journey of becoming mentally and emotionally stronger. The journey is not yet over, and I am still on my way to unravel greater depths of my sequestered and treasured potential. I believe this process of self-discovery will never end, and each new experience will help me test and teach myself better. I hope readers find this 1125 word long post I just wrote above to be of some value to them. Bliss!
Here is a video summarizing the above answer. In case the reader is familiar with Hindi, and wishes to watch the video, here it is. Thank you.