Ever since ninth grade, we had been a closely knit cohort of four friends. It would not be wrong to say that we were the best of friends back then who did everything together. We were so close, that even our parents used to treat us like their own.

But, as time grew, so did the distances among us. After my 10th grade, I joined a school in New Delhi. Pushpahas took Science stream at the same school we used to study in at bordering exurb, christened Bahadurgarh. And, Hardik and Nitish went on to take up Commerce. And, that was us all parting ways, I thought.

Three years post all of that, I had vaguely been in touch with Pushpahas and Hardik and lost all contact with Nitish. We had shifted to Faridabad. And, it was there that tragedy had broken havoc over my mother and me. I lost my father to a hit and run accident on 23rd June 2014.

Among of the deluge of people who began to flood our house, those three dropped in to offer condolences to my surprise. They told me the usual what everyone inundating our surroundings had been feeding into our ears- “If you ever need any help, remember I am always there for you.” I got them tea to drink, and then they left.

And, a month and a half post that tragedy, I joined College almost 280 KMs away, at Gwalior. Ever since, I have never heard from or even spoken to Nitish. Meanwhile, Pushpahas is pursuing his Engineering studies at a college in Faridabad almost 15 minutes from my place. Yet, I have never met him again hitherto this day.

Of the three friends I had, the only one left was Hardik. Despite me not being in Faridabad no more, he would drop by my place to meet Maa every few months. Once in a while, he would even text my Maa about her well being. And, he continues to do so even to this day.

Every time he would visit Faridabad to visit his relatives or his dermatologist, he would make sure to manage a short visit to our place as well. Most of the times he would visit, I would not even know about it.

Furthermore, he manoeuvred Maa into letting him handle the task of getting our car registered on my father’s name transferred to my mother’s name. This man time and again made efforts to make sure that we were fine and went as far as to help us with our chores, every time he could.

Whatever anyone could have said to me just after I had been bereaved of my father, nothing would have made me feel better, stronger or more secure. But, when someone really cares for you, they would definitely not come to your help only when you would want them to as Pushpahas and Nitish said.

The ones who care need no wake-up call in the hour of need. They are just present with you holding your back all the time, sometimes even when you don’t expect them to. And, post my father’s demise, though no words from any friend of mine could have ameliorated my situation, in the longer run, Hardik has been a great moral support.

And, Hardik did that for me by actually being there without me asking him to. He showed me that he really cared about my Maa and I and that matters a lot. Whenever I visit home now, before Maa asks me to tell my aunt about my visit, she first reminds me to apprise Hardik of me being in the town.

And, why? Just because unlike the hundreds of friends, relatives and neighbours, he actually thought of us after getting out of our doors post offering his condolences. This person won our heart. Apparently, of the three who I considered to be my best friends, only one was real while others turned out to be mere acquaintances.


You wish to console your friend who just lost a parent and get them back to life? That’s great and very benign of you. But, nothing you do is going to make that happen. I’m sorry but that is the harsh fact, having been there that is the least I can guarantee.

The void left behind by a parent’s demise is too large for you to make up for. But, you can still make their life better in the longer term. How? Well, just don’t wait for that person to ask you for help. Be there for them holding their back. Show them that they mean more than an acquaintance to you and you really care.

You can never envisage, how much of joy and strength you would be adding to that special person’s life.

I hope the reader finds this posthelpful in adding some bliss to their afflicted friend’s life. I wish lots of strength and wishes to you, your friend and their family.

Love,

Shilanjan

2 thoughts on “Nugget-14: Console A Friend Who Has Just Lost A Parent.

  1. You’re absolutely right. No one can fill up the void of our parent’s demise.It’s a harsh truth of this world and everyone have to go through it. But, we still can help our friends and dear ones by being there to support them time to time which can ease to forget the feeling of their biggest loss.

    I have come across such situations already and know the pain and grief of losing my parent. I was able to see a different picture after that. That added more pain to my loss. Unfortunately, this is the bitter truth.

    Liked by 1 person

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