I had been through that phase when I was mid-way my drop year preparing for Engineering entrance examinations in Kota. Hitherto it all began, I was scoring well, studying enough and most importantly, I knew how to concentrate all my focus and energy on one thing. Back then that one thing was to study.
However, it was around the month of October or November in 2013, when I began to lose my control. The growing pressure of studies from the coaching institute and falling marks began to take a toll on me. And, I never really noticed that the few pending assignments had turned into heaps of photocopied question banks that were never solved.
I would just lie around my room all day, bunk the classes, skip meals, get movies from a nearby cyber cafe and watch those all night. I did study even then, however, it was all in a sporadic fashion. I knew I was losing myself as I could not find a way to boost myself up. And, the situation only exacerbated over the time.
Apparently, I was like a person running away from the world, hiding in his room, trying to cut through the days and the nights and wondering if there was still some possibility that I could get into any of the fabled IITs. This way, days turned into weeks and weeks into over four months. And, it was then that I finally lost it all.
The same prosaic routine extrapolated over a long course of four months had left me numb and sad. And, it was then that the depression began to take a conspicuous shape in my life. That probably explains why depression is so hard to detect early in a person.
That is so because it gestates over a slow and gradual process that hardly anyone notices its presence unless it takes a drastic form. But, anyway, I had been sucked in by this beast. I kept falling deeper into the murky gulf of depression for another four months.
I had lost a lot of things during that phase of life when I had hit my nadir, turned incessantly cantankerous and fractious. Someone talking sweetly to me made me feel like they were feigning the emotions of love while they didn’t really care. That exacerbated my bond with nearly everyone I used to associate with.
I had further grown the propensity to take every discussion against my opinions as an attack on my views. I would listen less and yell more. I would talk less and shout more. I would request less and demand more. I would do less and grouse more.
That way I had turned into a repulsive character who was only instigating gloom into the lives of my loved ones, my parents. The beast of depression had pilfered away calm and peace of my house as the family had begun to take a lot of stress for their only son was headed towards doom and none of their efforts to pull me back to life would deliver any positive results.
This way, depression took an immense toll on not just me, but also my parents and their lives. Tensions, worries, anxieties, fights, arguments, cries, yelling, shouting, complaining and other such evils had obliterated whatever amount of positive thinking was left in me.
Despite all of that, here I am today almost three years later.
I am happy, gay and joyous writing about an old dull phase of my life which I take as a learning experience. I am no more an indolent cantankerous being. I am a proactive, pragmatic person who believes that there is always a silver lining, something positive in every bad thing happens in life.
And, that transformation of my life from a walking body of gloom into a blithesome maverick is a living testament to the fact-
Yes, Depression Can Be Cured!