Yukti and I met when we were stupid and small. Actually, I was the one with those traits. She was small but smart. She would always top the class ever since UKG, i.e. Upper Kindergarten. By the way, I was her lucky charm, just neither of us knew about it. How? Because she topped the class all through the 4th Grade hitherto when we studied together in the same schools.
And, post that her streak broke. Oh, she’s going to read this and going to pull my left over hair for writing about this. By the way, this person does deserve some special description. So, here is the deal. She’s a passionate but lost 21-Year-Old. Yukti is a young girl who has big dreams and is searching for the ways to actualize them.
And, apart from her dreams, she also has these tiny hair or moustaches over her lip which make her one of the funniest and most adorable faces I have ever come across. And, I just wrote that line to mock her and give the reader a moment to chortle. So moving away from her moustache, after I completed my 4th standard education, my parents and I moved from Hanumangarh to Bahadurgarh.
So, all my connections, and friends were lost. Now, I was here in a totally different place with people speaking a different dialect surrounding me from every direction. These people over the next eight years taught me Haryanvi, the dialect popularly called as “Jaatu” in North India.
I had by the end of this phase hit puberty, lived totally disparate sets of experiences and had also formed a bunch of friends. Life had entirely changed. Owing to the way adolescence that had hit me, I was approaching the 6-feet height and my outer demeanour had witnessed a complete makeover. I looked nothing like I used to back then.
Now, I was this cool guy with hair gel and spikes on the head and pants below the waist. I was the cool dude! Or, maybe I just thought I was.
Then I went to Kota, Rajasthan to prepare for Engineering Entrance examinations. I joined Vibrant Academy, Kota and was allotted the X-1 batch. The prestigious batch of meritorious students, which I never really was. And, then one day during the break I went down to the canteen with one of my friends to have some snacks. I took a sandwich and began confabulating with my friend. Suddenly a girl tapped on my shoulder. I looked back and she asked in doubt, “Jayant Mundhra?”
I looked at her curly hair and noticed the moustache. I knew what miracle just happened. I replied “Yukti?” And, that was it. We met after almost eight or nine years. And, yet we both knew each other. That day we both in a way realized, that magic happens. But, apart from those things, there was something more that made us both recognize each other.
Going back into the past, here is what I remember. We used to be a circle of four closely knit people. Yukti, Lakshya, Simran and I. We used to play and chit-chat all the time in the school bus where we would also sit together. This was my cohort and I can proudly say that I gestated some of my best memories with these special souls.
We actually cared about each other. And, this happened despite the fact that at that tender age, neither of us actually knew what it means to care for someone. But, we knew that this bond we shared was something special and meant to be. And, it was because of that strong bond that we could both identify each other.
In fact, in the above paragraphs I did explain in brief how my outer looks had completely changed. But, in her view, I still looked the exact same. Her eyes could still see that innocent child in me so vividly. And, the same was the case with me. I could identify her in a switch while in reality she too had changed a lot. Some of those changes were positive, and some were not that positive. Remember those moustaches?
Those grew big!
Today, Yukti is one of my closest friends. I don’t know if I hold a similar place in her life or not. Neither do I care if I don’t. Because I know that if she ever needs someone I will be there. And, if I ever need her, she will run down miles to get to me as fast as her feet support. That’s the bond we share. I like her, love her, adore her and care for her.
And, she too shares the same set of emotions for me. And, that was just the tale of one of the closest people I have. Same is the case for Lakshya. Albeit, I lost the connection with Simran as we never met again. But, I have this belief that one day we will meet again and will again be the fantastic four.
And, by the way, that’s not what we used to call each other. We were not that lame. It just popped up in my head so I typed it out. And, this brings me to the point for which I shared the previous 895 words. One of my readers had raised a question to me on Quora, “Would people forget me if I stop talking to them?” as far as my ken suggests, the answer lies in the next two words- “Which people?”
While reading James Altucher’s book, Choose Yourself I came across a beautiful theory. I added some of my rationale to it and developed another concept which I love to call- “The Three Kinds of People.” In my theory, this is what I suggest. All the people on this planet who you associate with belongs to one of the three sets. What are these three sets?
- The First Set of People – The ones who don’t value you. You don’t value them either.
- The Second Set of People – The ones who don’t value you. But, you care for them and accord some value to them in your life.
- The Third Set of People – The ones who care for you, love you and value you. And, you too feel the same way about these people.
The First kind would never care for you and you won’t think much of them either. So, would they remember you if you stopped talking to them? Why would they? Did you ever hold any significant position in their life? No, you didn’t. So, even if they forget you (The probability of which is very high.) you should not care at all. After all, you didn’t care about them even earlier.
The Third Set, on the other hand, is exactly opposite of the First set. This set is though a very small one. But, it is a set of some really special people who care for you, love you and wish to see you succeed in every aspect of life. And, this set is also special because you too accord them a special position in your life that only chosen and cherished ones are privileged to. So, would they ever forget you? Well, Yukti and I seemed to remember each other quite well!
Well, let’s talk about the Second set. Now, this is where the problem arises. This is the set of people who we all value, love and care. But, the counterpart simply doesn’t care enough. They would never seem to care for you and love you back like you do. Exceptions may arise when they might need your help. That’s the only instance when they would actually come to you.
And it’s only then that they would talk to you nicely. They would act polite and humble. Maybe they would bestow some flattery on you and then after you will be afloat with joy to have finally got the love you yearned for, they will come to the point. These people would then use you for your efficacy to deliver the desired results. And, then it will all be back to the square one. Most of these people from the Second Set do that. And, all of us have had experiences with a lot of such people of the miserable Second set.
So, would they ever remember you if you stop talking to them? In the short run, maybe they will, as some purpose or greed might make them knock your doors. But, in the long run- They would not remember you. The probability of that happening is damn high! Why? Because you never really held any space in their heart. Despite all your tries, you never succeeded as they never paid any heed to your love.
At this point, most of us feel bad and forlorn. We seem to wonder how the other person could not remember us! One may think, “I did so much for her/him and s/he doesn’t even recognize me anymore!” And, that’s when one must realize that it’s no big deal as this was bound to happen.
We, humans, seek attention and love. And, in this pursuit, we often end up overlooking the love that’s strewn all around us in the form of the Third Set of People. We try to seek for that extra basket of love from the Second Set and end up neglecting the special Third Set. And, that’s the reason why sometimes your dearest ones end up complaining that “You are taking them for granted!” And, while we actually revolt most of the times, deep within we know that we are actually the ones who did take them for granted. We just didn’t notice.
I myself learned this lesson the hard way. But, I am glad that at least I learned the lesson. Because most of the people don’t take cognizance of this hard truth through their entire lifetime. Consequently, a vast majority of such people end up despondent and unhappy about their lives. That’s the reason why I believe I am lucky. Lucky is not enough for my case. I am damn lucky that I found that masterful book by James Altucher which pushed me into realizing this bitter but sacrosanct truth.
Post reading about it, I ruminated over it for long. I thought about each person who I associate with on a daily basis. I asked myself each time if the other person lies in the First, Second or Third set. I then created a list on an A4 sheet. I wrote as many as thirty names. Then I began to strike off names on it with a black pen.
Which names? The ones that belonged to the Third set and the Second set. And, that left me with just twelve people remaining. And, now I knew that it was just these select few who deserved all my time, love and devotion. Why? Because they too would reciprocate to me with similar volumes of love and care. And, I wanted to be loved. And, my attempt didn’t go in vain.
Now, that I had cut off eighteen people from my list, I devoted all my free time and resources in bolstering my connection with these twelve special people. And, with time I can proudly say that in each case, my relationship with the other person flourished like never before. In each case, I am much closer to the other person than I ever was.
I was no longer allowing those other eighteen people to sap me of my limited time, energy and love and in return add misery to my life. And, that’s how I built rock solid relationships which I believe will stand through all tests of time. Would anyone from this Third Set of People forget me? I can bet they won’t. And, what about the other two sets? I don’t care.
And, about my beloved people from the Third Set-
They are my fairies and I am theirs. We fly along with hands in hands.